Marriage Counselling to Mind counselling (Case to educate the Mass)

How to Know When your Marriage is Really Over ?

2010-11-19T20:32:00.004+05:30

I came across this beautiful video from http://www.articlesbase.com/videos/5min/126541539
hop you will also enjoy

Dr sunderam

Pre-Marriage _. I want to fix her and will keep her happy.

2010-10-24T20:11:00.000+05:30

Hi Doc,

I am working for an MNC in malysia . I am in love with a girl for past 2+ years.I am now facing a problem - the girl is now refusing to marry me We met in our first company during boot camp training. We both had same wavelength and soon we started talking to each other over phone and during training often. we used to discuss everything, but i was concerned that she is talking to other boys too. Once she spoke with a senior colleague over phone for 3 hours and i cant hide my feelings to her so i broke down saying that i dont like her talking to other boys.

After her training she got her onsite travel opportunity she travelled to US for 6 months From the day of her departure i started calling her and was crying not to leave me.when i cam to know she went with my friends to movies without me, i shouted at her.many times i pleaded her that i cant live without her. now she says she cant marry me because of cast reason. i wanted your sincere advise .

Dear James,

i am very happy to know your sincere attempt to improve yourself. Relationship cannot be fixed. this has to be understood impartially.i am your well wisher, i have gone through your case 4 to 5 times before carefully replying you. please take it in good spirit,please introspect on the following points

1.Ae you not becoming over possessive of your girl friend ?

2 suppose you brother or sister brings his or her close friend to your house,will that person will be your close friend ?3 Will that person will be your mother's close fiend ? 4 will that person become your father's close friend?

5 will you make him a close friend as close as your brother or sister accepts ?

definitely the answer is " no" " NOOOOOOOO'

My dear friend,similarly it is a wrong perception to think, that because u like her ,she will also be liked equally by all the family members. How do you say you are loving he for the past 2 years ? Did she spell she is also in love with you for 2 years?

i am a psychologist, my wife is also a psychologist, but my secretary is a better psychologist than my wife.My wife is having 101many qualities, which are far superior to my secretary.Had i opted for my secretary i would have won in my profession, i would have lost in my life by 100 times.

You like her but you do not love her

You want her to be your toy not your wife

The love for your wife should be unconditional,

The liking for your friend is conditional

My suggestionis you develop unconditional love, please do not think of marriage . You like her, but your not matured enough to marry, not only this girl any other girl in general with this type of behavior .My suggestion is you should not marry any girl until you come out his possessiveness, you should immediately go for some professional help.

please take it in good spirit and look for some profssional help -------wish you all success

Dr Sunderam

09246810468

www.mindcounselling.com

www.mindcounselling.blogspot.com

Marraige secrets of couples failure--1

2010-10-15T20:50:00.000+05:30

Mrs Radha and Mr Raj were present in a counselling session, they are married for the past 15 years, with teen age children. no doubt they re-living under the same roof. they live in separate rooms, separate kitchen, separate dinging hall timings .This is an example of married divorce cases.Both the couple have differences but they are together for the sake of their children.

Mr Raj is in his 40 s woking in an MNC. he openly admits his weakness "I flirt with girls, because my father also was like this. please dont advise me on this.' i cannot change ill be like this"

Mrs Raj recalled an incident started like this " 24 hrs you are with your lap top office work or on cell phone, On holiday i warned you not to take his cell phone. you promised and agreed to it, but what happened when i told you to take care of the 7 yrs old son in swimming pool, you saw him swimming and you are talking to your girl friend over cell phone".He was injured,you asked for first aid and talking over the phone, you did not even call me and tell. I dissocvered my son's injury "Is this taking care of your son. "You don t have time for your son, you have time for your girlfriends' when i tell something you say sorry'""Even if my son gets injured during swimming you would have told sorry, even if is met with accident my dead body goes you will tell sorry"

Mr Raj was like stone smiling to whatever his wife is telling, He doesn't share any single expression of feelings in his body. that may be his stress relieving mechanism.His wife has completely lost trust on him.

One of the guarantee reason for couples failure is behave "like the great wall of china' no expression responding like a rock to the other partners feeling

Software murder-How to destroy marriage relationship ? Disloyalty card

2010-10-10T10:01:00.000+05:30

Mr Umesh and Mrs umesh came for marriage counselling to my clinic. They are in there 30 s , married for the last two years. no kids. I listned to both the version individually and collectively.There are enough evidence both have lost trust on each other because of their past behavior. each had there own share of MILs (mother in law interference, BILs(brother in law) interference.The root cause ,was they have proved disloyalty to the partner many times.There are also incidence were they have been loyal to each other.

One of the easiest way spoiling relationship is to demonstrate disloyalty to the partner. When ones does not own something it is given least value,.we do not own, we discard,. we treat like a dust,scrap and a waste,

The hero of the above case is a software engineer, without the knowledge of the lady partner he has inserted a recoding device in the lady's mobile.. All the conversation of the lady with her parents was separately recorded by umesh and displayed in umesh's family function without the knowledge of mrs umesh. This recorded conversation has become the talk of the umesh circle( umesh parents, sisters, grand ma etc) except his wife.

Mrs umesh did not know why the behavior of the family has changed.Mrs umesh is being ignored, she is being ridiculed, until one of her grand father shared these fact of recoding festival. when mrs umesh confronted this facts Mr umesh has accepted it saying "it was a fun"

Fun for whom? the same fun if played by the lady against her husband. will the family accept. Mr Umesh has earned disloyalty card. The disloyalty is the root cause for mis- trust, jealousy and suspicion Mr umesh is repenting for his act after counselling. They have realized many of their mistakes and wishing to start off a new realtionship. Let us all wish them all thebest.

Marriage counselling- ' Given a choice i like to marry my fathers character"

2010-10-08T22:23:00.000+05:30

Research carried out at our counselling center has recorded a new phenomena. in marriage counselling the happiest couples where interviewed on a question " Given a choice i like to marry my fathers character" Given a choice i like to marry my mothers Character" 63 % of girls responded positive for the former question and 53% of Boys responded positive to the latter question.

Rich relationship marriage secrets-1 Appreciation system

2010-10-03T09:43:00.000+05:30

Mr Raja says to his wife " How beautifully u nag me " you look so sexy when you nag me" You look slim when you nag me" " Your nagging remind me of the college days, were you use to skip many bus's in the bus stand intensionally waiting for me" I use to come in my friends two wheeler and pick you up" we both use to have pizza ordered for us"....... ........ ....... ......

Every partner has both the positive side and the negative side of his personality. The positive side is to be spelled out, documented, recognized and appreciated., According to NLP school of psychology Every time positive visit is made by appreciation. rebirth of the individual occurs.

A new baby born on this earth has potential to absorb health and survival.Every breath of opportunity gives life to health and survival.Every baby's potential is the opportunity given by the environment, friends, society and family. Society is full of evidence,when the environment fails to give opportunity the innocent baby turns in a anti social element

As the physical life force is fueled by food, water, oxygen shelter, cellphone. similarly the psychological life is fueled by hunger for information, and recognition of appreciation .love and affection

NLP research shows the brain having two compartments in the sub conscious mind. the positive compartment (full of stored positive information) and negative compartments (storing all negative information) By default both the positive and negative information flows from the society into the brain . The partners has to design positive information flow powerfully into the other partners brain this has to serve two purpose

1 Positive information to neutralize the negative information already stored in the brain.

2 Positive information to wash away the memories of negative information stored in the brain.

One of the rich relationship secrets of happy married couples, is they have developed a healthy mutual appreciation system for each other and minimum of 5 positive appreciation for every negative appreciation earned by the partner

marriage relationship is Journey and not a destination

2010-10-01T21:18:00.000+05:30

" Me to We " seminar was conducted for 21 couples on 25 - 26 th September 2010 at Chennai by Mindrestore,. a few definition of " marriage "which evolved out of this seminar ,gave new insights for making marriage work

Marriage is journey of many speed breakers

" Marriage is a contract"

"Marriage is relationship were the journey is known and destination is unknown"

Marriage is a sandwich made of "Me" and "we" on either side. with "emotions" sandwiched in between

Marriage is converting the right mate into a life time mate

"Marriage is a license to fall in love many times, with the same person"

Marriage is job guarantee at the front end office and no warranty of back end office

Daughter is hero "daughter in law "is zero, as per mother in law psychology

2010-09-18T07:01:00.003+05:30

Mere beti maharani thu naukarani samjee

Mr & Mrs sunill a young couple married for the last four years are undergoing marriage counselling for the past 2 months. In one the sessions the above question came. they see an interference of the in laws playing the roles behind the screen. For every parent their children are flawless, for evey child their parents are very near and dear, A mother in law will see her daughter as the hero and daughter in law as Zero.

There are incidents were the couple has realized the game was started by one of the in laws, by the time they realized, the errors has become costly for their family.In the above suspicious environment the couples came up with the following two clause. for their martial counselling.

Rule 1 The couple will not share any of their family matters with their in laws.

Rule 2 :The couples will share their family matters with themselves and find solutions for themselves

Marriage counselling or marriage coaching is a psychological realization of their roles, the psychologists helps them to progressive realize it

Four Phases of married Life

2010-09-11T17:22:00.020+05:30

According to the research carried out at our clinic with over 300 couples. The problems the couples undergo during their troubled relationship period can be classified into four phases

1 Marriage Apprenticeship phase (MAP) 2 Marriage probationary phase (MPP) 3 Marriage Employee phase (MEP) 4 Marriage ownership Phase (MOP)

1 MAP (Marriage Apprenticeship phase)

MAP Marriage Apprentice /crazy hormones

Any qualified person with a technical skill can enter an organisaton as an apprentice. In other word he is a temporary employee of the organisation .Similarly the couples get attracted to each other because they are qualified with "sex hormones " playing crazy with them.. The couple experience more a body relationship.Each person wants to have his major share of his hormone reals e. This period is more used for exploring the surface of each other.They are couples only for physical relationship.As an apprentice is blind about his future in the organisation. Similarly the couples are blind about their future in an institution called "Marriage"They are blind beyond a point. The couples are temporary employees working together for a salary called " hormone pleasure'. They may have enjoyed sex like any other animal. They might have begeted children, but still they are island by themselves looking and working with selfish motives s their end Their only motto is take the maximum for other partner

MPP /if u cant why should I ?

2 (MPP) Marriage Probationary Phase

The couples live beyond their sexual chemistry . They take responsibility,sharing and caring for each other.They always expect the other person to do the same. when the other partner doesn't reciprocate they withdraw. The relationship becomes purely transactional. An employee during probation period has enough time to decide to become a part of the organisation culture or not. The focus of the couple is give and take

MEP/The more i give ,the more i get

3. MEP (Marriage Employee phase)
During this period an employee gets an organisation identity where he is declared as a permanent employee of the organisation. His actives become more lovely. He also gets a status in the society.He start giving more for the organisation to prove himself. Similarly the couple start giving more and more for each other, without any condition..

4 MOP(Marriage Ownership phase) loving . giving and sharing becomes purely a primary nature of the couples. This period is highly unconditional without looking for any external reward. They have mastered all the above phases of transition. They look for inner satisfaction

Relationship coaching :Is a Good business manager is a bad Family Manager ?

2010-08-15T14:17:00.012+05:30

Mrs Radha a six moths old bride and also a working women in an MNC, with MBA specialization in HR says to her husband " I have been managing the firm for the last 3 years, I am an MBA graduate ,I can fix the problem. This is not the way you and your mum are supposed to behave, Please dont cross your limits, ok" now get lost."

The voice of Mrs Radha comes from her professional competency. Mrs Radha came for relationship coaching with her husband, once she has understood the root cause o her troubling relationship,. she transformed her style of communication and the couple are living happily.

If You look at the basic premise of a business it is Money and Profit. If you look at the basic premise of a family this is love and affection.The skills required for running a business is IQ(intelligence Quotient ) skills.The skill required for running a family is EQ(Emotional quotient) skills. and both are different skill sets. A business Manger operates his business system to achieve a profit over looking emotions. He has a commonly accepted system to take care of any deviations in the business.A family manager has to operate his family to achieve, harmony peace love and affection among his family members, This family members are creatures of emotions and they are not creations of logical systems

Can a business manger use the same business skills to operate the Family? Can a family manger operate the emotional management system to run his business ? The value system of a business model is money. The value system of a family model is relationship. This like an officer doing the job of surgeon in a hospital. Both require different set of qualities. I have seen many business men who are good in their business skills, prove very bad family managers. Relationship Coaching help them in harmonizing the personal and professional skills for manging the work life balance

Relationship Coaching is Moving from "Knowing the Family Roles" towards "Owning the family Roles"

2010-08-12T23:37:00.024+05:30

Mr & Mrs Sunita Ragav came to my clinic for relationship coaching.In the diagnostic phase I could identify, Mr Ragav as a Mother centered person working at the demands of his mother. Mrs Sinuta as a emotion centered person looking for recognition of her identity in the joint family. Slowly through a series of NLP process (sub modalities),I could make Mr Raghav (realize) Mrs sunita's feeling as a neglected person in the family.This brought the couple a positive realization of owning their roles, which they were only holding it.

With the above Insight, I would like to redefine, Relationship Coaching or Family counseling or Marriage counselling as follows.

A journey from knowing the family roles to

owning the family roles, through a series of realization of your family tree

Know the roles ---------------> own the roles

"Positive Parenting Through NLP " ATraining Workshop:- 28 year old daughter still sleep with her parents

2010-08-10T22:31:00.007+05:30

Revathi a research scholar form Mysore university. says " I love my parents,.I am there only daughter, no doubt I am 28year old, I cannot leave my parents after marriage. I may be a research scholar but for my parents, I am the still naughty baby. I have always slept with my papa and mama. I will continue to do that.

The above is an example of passive parenting.but ,what is parenting?

"Parenting" is a word used to denote a skill set, Were bot the parents are sculpting a statue called "An ideal Children" from a stone called children ,.As any sculpture removes the unwanted portion in the Rock to bring the beauty inside the rock,.so are the parents doing to bring a beautifuly acceptable daughter or a son in the society.

A doctor requires 12 years of training to become a doctor, An Engineer requires 5 years of training before he is accepted as an engineer.A fireman requires 1 year of training before he becomes a fireman. Don t you think parents require a mindset training in this job of becoming a parent? so started a 2 day workshop on parenting tittled "NLP Training for parents""

At the concluding session a Parent says "We are not born parents, therefore every parent has to undergo a training program, the is the reason we choose this workshop conducted by Dr Sunderam," so says working couple from Delhi. The main focus of the work shop was the communication style between parents and children. Top ten mistakes the parents do on their toddlers.

The workshop became very lively over the discussion on a film clipping from"Mitir-Myfriend' How to control the rebellious child. ?

The different answers to the clippings gave very powerful insight to all our parents participants. Dr Sunderam said "I have designed this parents workshop based on the problems faced by the Indian mothers from my clinical records,both Mothers and therapists can conduct an effective program on parenting, because every mother is a psychologist I have learnt from them ".

Family Counselling- "I" "WE" "They" The Triangular Game.

2010-08-05T00:55:00.000+05:30

Around 30% of family counseling cases at our clinic,we haves observed there is an unknown triangular game played by he family members involved a triangular relationship. Mostly the members are Mother, Son and Daughter in law,.In such cases ,the family synergy is always found to be strained.in the first 5 years of marriage.According to research carried out at our clinic. studies pointed out three distinct roles ,"I' ,"WE" &"They" over played by the three members. of the family

A Son, who is enjoying mother centered relationship , He carefully plans and does not enter into any commitment with his wife. He also play safe under the Mothers umbrella and family tradition, ensuring that his wife is not leaving him. He plays the "I "game telling." I have been always like this for the last 25 years. I have not changed a bit U can ask My Mum" i will always be like this."

A daughter in law (DIL) dawns a new role of "WE" where she feels she has has inherited a whole family, She has a feeling my husband is mine but under the care of his family. members, He is available for In laws, friend and and all family members .. She assumes a pseudo power of Husbands love, and works under the assumption "My Husband will come tome me one day" . the day she realizes her husband does not reciprocate the same feeling and suspects that . Husband is playing a solo not a duet. her hopes gets shattered

A mother who has enjoyed a son centered relationship, is over possessive of her son .She is scared of psychologically losing him to another lady .DIL) She has been forced to play multiple roles before and during marriage, This can be perceived from the girls side as "My father being over squeezed for dowry,,lack of respect for my parents style of working" I n order to protect the multiple roles the mother in law (MIL) plays the game of "They" this game starts a simple word as "they did not agree.......... to Your husband ..."

In this triangular strained relationship. it is found mostly the husband does not want to break the comfort zone. he wants to play safe, creating tension for both the ladies. In this triangular game The Pseudo winner of the game is the male if this is not realized by the women this will ruin the whole relationship foundation In such situation our records show the DILs has saved the MIL and and the whole family by taking professional helpSuch case are treated through psychotherapy like EFT,NLP, Silva mind. TLT(Time line therapy)

Family NLP counseling : MIL (Mother in Law )a friend or an enemy of DIL(Daughter In Law)?

2010-08-04T06:20:00.002+05:30

MIL (mother In Law) and DIL ( Daughter In law) Syndrome

This question has been bothering me for years together but NLP (neuro linguistic psychology) gave me an answer. During my family counselling journey of the past 10 years,I have travel led with many MILs and many DIL s. I have seen hundreds of MILs loving DILs and hundreds of DILs loving MILs. The reverse is also true. In my close study of MIL-DIL relationship, I have not seen any absolute lovers nor any absolute haters.(100% haters nor 100% lovers).All MILs has got one common characteristics they are self centered, they focus on themselves. and they make themselves the center of the topic.They are the heroin of the script. Even though they are old they still like to play the lead role in the family movie

After my research into MIL-DIL relationship,borrowing the Knowledge of NLP , I can classify the MILs into into three Types 1)RULE Type 2)FEEL Type 3) KOOL Type.

1) Rule Type Mother in Law is absolutely rule based, conditional,and traditional. She wants the same past to continue without any deviations.2) Feel type Mother In Law is emotional, feels for others,and empathetic for others in the process she draws a lot of attention of the family, making herself as the Center of emotions in the family. 3)KOOL Type Mother In Law look for lot of appreciation,Artistic and coolly looks for a different issue to be tackled.every time in the family.

Counselling Results -Out of Hunting Negative Thoughts.

2010-08-01T23:21:00.000+05:30

Sheela
to		suntrg@gmail.com
date		Fri, Aug 14, 2009 at 8:46 PM
subject		Hi
mailed-by		gmail.com

Hi Dr Sundaram,

I'm feeling very well now a days. I'm following your EFT, NLP techniques along with alpha meditation.Thanks for your assistance. i am out of negative thoughts, I Will meet you sometime in future.

Thanks,

Sheela

( permission of the client has been obtained)

It's your ATTITUDE not your APTITUDE that fixes your altitude.

Learn Dynamic Counseling---3

2010-07-31T19:52:00.000+05:30

Process based counseling

A counselling process is communication between a Counselor and Counselle to bring out the SWOT( strength, Weakness, opportunities and threats) of the latter to take a decision.The counsllor doest not take any decision for the counselle(Client) but helps on the client to discover and re-discover himself. this can be done through different methods of questioning, self test. psychological tests. questionnaires, opinionated, psychometric tools. online tests etc.

Based on this counseling,Process counseling can be classified into three areas

1 Direct counseling :The chief exponent of this type of counselling is E..William son. In directive counseling the major role is played by the Counselor. He keeps the major decision based on the diagnosis , He directs the thinking of the counselee by informing, explaining, interpreting and advising

2 Non Directive counseling is also called as client centered counseling, where the major role is played by the Counselle .Carl R Rogers is the chief exponent of this counseling client. This is also called coaching.. The major focus is on the maturity of the Counselee. The emphasis is on the integration of the counsellee not on the solution but on the emotional aspect which is stressed towards a voluntary action.The major focus is more facilitative to create an atmosphere where the client can take his own decision

3 Eclectic counseling : this is a mix of the above two types of counseling,, F C Throne is the proponent of this viewpoint. depending upon the nature of requirement of the process the counselor can switch from directive to non directive counseling. keeping the objective of the counseling.Even techniques like reassurance,information giving, case history. testing etc can also be used

How to come out of inferiority complex through counselling ?

2010-07-30T22:46:00.000+05:30

This is confession of a client He would like to come out of the flowing negative feelings of his childhood.

1 Parents told me - you are Un -welcome child, i would have been more happy if you would have been dead in the womb itself.2 when i got low score in maths my mummy told me to leave the house and commit suicide , You are a burden to this earth 3 They do not use to believe in me. 4 They use to respect and love my younger brother a lot.5 They use to insult me in front of house maids and drivers.6. Even drivers used to make fun of me in front of the parents. 7 When i did a mistake they kicked me out of the house in the dark night 8 I never use to shout at others. I use to suffer silently. 9. I am an engineering student now I am not able to study and concentrate. 10 Even lecturers are shouting at me, I accept silently.I am getting stressed i attempted twice.

The client was taught psychotherapy online to come out of inferiority complex

Q & A How to Improve Student Concentration for studies?

2010-07-27T21:36:00.000+05:30

Dear sir,
This is Ragupathi completed my B tech from J N T university Hyderabad.Recent days I am struggling with my concentration .I am not able to study at least one hour. My mind always thinking some past things.I want to overcome this problem. Can u please suggest me how to overcome this problem.?

According to the school of NLP psychology, there are three types of personality phases which goes in one life of the person. You are going through the extraordinary feeling phase of life.You are being hunted by emotional disturbing thoughts of the past.Try to live in the present most of the time, do some logical puzzles,Vocubalry tests.etc

If You can get My NLP book you can also pratice, Circle of Excellence Technique(CET).I use mostly CET techniques for concentration improvement of students. I have observed 70 % to 90% concentration improvement in the counselling cases of students in our clinic

EFT tapping points to relieve stress

2010-07-26T23:09:00.000+05:30

Let me introduce you to EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy) an off shoot of Chinese Acupressure.This method is used to reduce stress of the major clients at our clinic.Acupressure is method of using the body's natural healing mechanism to activate the energy flow in the body. There are 6 major meridians(energy systems)1 Lung and large intestine 2 Heart and small intestine 3 Stomach and Spleen 4 Pericardium and Sanjio 5 Bladder and Kidney 6 Gal Balder and Liver. Acupressure has been used not only to relieve the body problems, this is aslo used for minimizing psychological problems in a person.

The E f t ( Emotional freedom therapy) technique is taught at my clinic to the clients. The major focus is on tapping the Emotional meridians as as shown in the above picture The feedback case of Miss Bhanu a client from Coimbatore is posted on July 21 st under the feedback category.

Learn Dynamic Counselling Lesson-2

2010-07-25T11:05:00.000+05:30

Types of counseling

Counselling is divided on different basis 1) Informal Counselling : This is done by a responsible well wisher. 2) Non specialist Counseling, is done by different professionals to accelerate the Learning curve in their respective profession (Doctors, lawyers,teachers etc 3) Professional Counselling :This is done by a specially trained person for this work(I do NLP Counseling) 4) Individual Counseling: Mostly the conversation is one to one between the Counselor and Counselle 5) Family Counselling : The main focus involves between the Counselor and all family members 6) Group Counselling : The main focus is to address and help a group experiencing similar problems 7 ) Relationship Counselling ; This is also called as Couples counseling,to help partners who are struggling to reclaim intimacy and work towards healthy relationship (The authors major income source is through this marriage counseling) 8) Pastoral Counselling: This is the origin of counselling, this is also called as religious counseling. 9)Psycho-dynamic Counselling;The focus of counselling progress through the counselles life time experiences, explores the unconscious mind also (The author uses Silva mind Dynamics to explore the unconscious mind) This also called past life counseling 10 E counselling: For a host of different reasons, distance, time, confidentiality, anonymity, physical disabilities and remote location counselling is given through Email, phone, and video cam ( the author use skype conselling and has clients indifferent part of this globe)

Counseling-feedback ---Hot from my Mail box

2010-07-24T10:17:00.000+05:30

Before Counseling	After Counseling with EFT(emotional freedom technique)
Earlier I was unhappy for most of the reasons	Now I am happy most of the times
I was in depressed mood when I was alone and when things are against me.	Now I am not in depressed mood when things are against me for most of the times
Excess negative thinking	I am able to control negative thoughts with the help of 4^th technique
I used to think only from my view	I have started to think from other person’s view
I used to suffer from TTLT syndrome	Now I am trying to come out of the syndrome
Earlier I was dull whenever I used to get negative thoughts	Now as soon as I get a negative thought, I follow 4^th technique which makes me to come out of that mood.

IMarriage Counselling or Lizard phobia

2010-07-23T08:06:00.000+05:30

Dr. Sunil a leading homepath of Chennai, was very much upset with himself, because he could not treat his own wife of OCD traits.Mrs Pallavi Sunil had a complusion to wash herself six to seven times whenever she sees lizrd in her house.Unfortunately Mr sunill has constructed his dream house in a lizard pron area three years ago. the locality is a agricultuaral farm area getting devloped into a promising posh area.Mr sunill also confessed in Intial days He also sufferd from lizard phobia but he could manage to come out successfully.The same daignosis which he followed in treating of his phobia is no more working for her.Arround 5 years have passed and the lizard phobia has created a night mare in their realtionship.Mrs Pallavi saw lizard in her kitchen, in her wash room, on the door, in the waste basket. even in her tiolet.She is spending most of the time washing this places repeatedly.As aresult she has neglected her husband and 3 year old kid.Mrs Pallavi"s mother arround 50 yearsof age, taught her a pooja and slokas to come out of her phobia. This ritual has added fule and fire to thier realtionship.

As a patient husband Mr sunill got used to his wifes weakness, even though their realtionship was suffering,The worst happened when Mr sunill was about to leave for a confrence abroad. his flight time was nearing he was about to leave the house, Mrs Pallavi saw a lizard crossing the doorway.MRs pallavi asked Sunil to sit for a while and did not allow him to go out of the house and she started washing the place and started doing pooja for 45 minutes.

Mr sunill started shouting at her behaviour and left the house. he also gave an ultimatum ,"You stop all this non sense, you go to your mother place or any where in the world get your phobia cured and enter my house,Enough of enough,when i come back i dont want you to be in my house. My kids will be taken care by my parents and sisters" he called his mother and handed over the kid to his mother and left chennai.

Sunill was one month abroad.Every phone call sunill made to his wife talked of only one subject, why are you in my house.?"Mrs Pallavi started talking to her near and dear friend over phone.One of her well wishers saw my interview on Raj Tv and referd her to me.An online treatmet of 15 sessions was done over skype.Mrs Pallavi was prescribed NLP Psychotherapy.She has come out and successfully Managing her family. she is beleived to start a baby crutch.

A question to all my Psychology students ? Can phobias can be treated through counselling ?

Pre Marriage Counselling Training (marriage education) Sponsored Gift

2010-07-22T11:40:00.000+05:30

Miss Sujatha at our valedicatory function said "The saying goes-----A freind in need is friend indeed, "I would say "A spronsored -friend in need is a fried indeed" The best investment a friend can give to another friend is to sponosor a Pre-marriage Education Training(PMET) course to his friend. I thank my friend venu who sponsored me for this programe.

Studies conducted at our clinic shows that not only, pre marriage education help the couples to understand each other much better,.but also helps in udersatding the entire family and entire colleugues in the office .A new world of understanding opens up, the whole world is a labroatary of understanding human realtions. Saritha of Calcutta says "This pre martial aware ness programe that I attended online has not only helped me to understand me. i have picked up clues to read the other person like a book, first home-work was nice where i worked on my Jijajai, and next on my uncle and aunt.They call me a miracle psychologist thanks to Dr sunderams commitment to help couples". i wish every couple should attend this programe without fail.

PMET -1(Course is of 8 hour duration. This is based on NLP school of Philososphy)

1) Inroduction to Pre-marriage Counselling/Research findings 2) Realtionship inventory analysis 3)Demonstration of Commuciation styles 4)Demonstration of Conflict styles 5) Rapport building phases 6)Emotional freedom Zones 7)How to Read the person like a book 8) Case studies of marrige conflict resolution 9) Guru kula method of interface10)Discussion and demonstration on"Secrets of marriage success" ++++ Bonus

Labraotary method of training requires a minmum of three ,Pre- married or Just marrried couples (The PMET is carried out 1 st week of every month in a major city of India ) On line course is avilable throughout the week.

Counseling - Alpha meditation

2010-07-20T21:15:00.000+05:30

Miss Madhavi a 23 year old unmarried girl came with the complain of psychological health, she told that she has a strange feeling of alienation with every body in home and office. she has gone to all the doctors but all have told ,she is normal butshe has to consultant a psychologist. The clues which she gave was not sufficient to daigonise She was asked to under go psychological test, the report came us follows

":She needs a change in her circumstances or in her relationships which will permit relief from stress. Seeking a solution which will open up new and better possibilities and allow hopes to be fulfilled. She needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. She is sentimental,and yearns for a romantic tenderness. "

Miss Madhavi was taught alpha relaxation technique.Alpha mean where the brain is reduced to work at a frequency of 10 cycles per second.The difference between other methods of relaxation and alpha method of relaxation is one can produce subjective manifestation of thoughts for peace.

Learn Dynamic Counselling Lesson-1 (what is counselling ?)

2010-07-19T19:43:00.000+05:30

What is Counseling ?

Counseling is an “one to one” interview process , where a counselor( the service giver) explore the Strength and weakness of the Counselee ( service receiver)to help the counselee to discover his own solution. The objective of counseling is to bring a voluntary change in the individual. The subjective definition of Counseling can more be understood by knowing what is not counseling ?Counseling is not advising, not talking, not taking decision on behalf of the client, not even giving solution for the counselee. Counseling is as old as Himalayas.. in modern society at every level one can see the counseling relationship. Teacher counsel students, lawyers counsel clients. Parents counsel children, managers counsel subordinates. In other word wherever problems are their counseling can come up.

Personal counseling is a human technology process where the counselee is made to understand where is he, in his own world and where he should go in his own world . Student counseling is offered to the student community to assist and help student solve his own problems Marriage counseling is offered for pre-married and post married couples. Where the objective is to make them understand themselves, to make appropriate understanding in the light of the adjustment. To follow a course of action to pursue a new behavior.

Counselling- CRY Therapy (Voluntary)

2010-07-17T23:54:00.000+05:30

BillBroonzy says “Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don't live it you don't have it. Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things.”

Many house wife’s breakdown ,and cry in my clinic while sharing the agony of pain over the impossibility of changing the behavior pattern of their near and dear ones. One might have had of Laughter therapy which rejuvenates our soul. But I have seen Cry therapy working better in my clinic, this not only cleanses the system but brings the person vent out his feelings bringing him out of depression .In our school of psychology we are taught not to stop a crying person. Cry strengthens your immune system ,It make cheeks sore and it also increases the counseling Quotient, Counseling performance and boosts a clarity in thinking as if the client has entered another world .

Let us say a client is emotional, His feelings are chocked up in his throat. When he converts his emotions into words. As words cannot convert 100% ones feelings, A part of his feelings is locked in the nervous system. A further loss of feeling takes place when he is trying to express his feelings in English words, another layer of feeling loss takes place when he swallows his words. As result a major portion of the feelings still lies locked up in the nervous system.

This is like layers of filter not allowing the liquid to come out

During cry therapy commonly called break down, the whole fluid gushes out of the nervous system. Without any filter The client learns how to release and reclaim the buried feelings that were repressed by unmet need. Many therapist believes only in talk therapy, our school of psychology believes in cry therapy.(provided this is not instigated intentionally) verbal communication is not connected to deeper emotional release, it may contribute to and reinforce emotional and mental disorders and symptoms. Only by “CRY Therapy” one can systematically releasing repressed, buried feelings , allowing true understanding and healing to take place. Full feeling expression becomes the integrative force of “CRY Therapy” This also gives a rise to the birth of the "real" self, thus ensuring a life of renewed productivity and meaningful Counseling.

Family Counseling- A video clip used for students of psychology

2010-07-17T07:30:00.003+05:30

Family counseling refers to a single counseling case,( family member)where the counselle is also being helped by all other family members. The whole family is like a tree, with all its branches and sub branches. Jack Adams says “If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle". The following Hindi film clipping(Bagban) is used by me,in my family counseling training programme for psychologists Counseling is required in different stages of the family life cycle. Can you identify a few stages for family counselling after reviewing the clipping

Counselling for whom Husband /wife or in laws ?

2010-07-16T13:30:00.000+05:30

I am Muslim married lady doctor, hailing from Eluru in South India I am married to a n Engineer in Chennai.he is 3 years elder to me. We are married for the past 4 years. I am facing the following problems , i would be very grateful if you can provide counselling to me, the current scene is as follows.

On 1 st day of our marriage, My husband has given mehr of Rs 7000/-( in Muslims we do not have dowry system. husband has to give mehr to wife and take her home on first night) on third day he asked me where is the mehr money.? "I replied this is with my Mother" he became furious and slapped me and told the money belongs to me, it should be with my mother not your mother.I brushed it aside thinking as a small incident.On 4 th day he took all my ornaments to his house, telling he doesn't believe in my parents. He left me in my house, telling that you come and join me after one week.

I am working in a hospital , where I have 12 to 14 hours duty. I do not have any more energy to work for my house. or in laws.. In this condition we did not have first night for 3 months.We finally planned one day,. my husband came on that night and asked me "Did you argue with my mother?" I was about explain he continuously slapped me and hit me with his belt my nose was injured. The whole body was full of strap marks.my husband told me not to go to hospitals next day as the marks were visible..He cried and confessed and told that he will not repeat this behavior.

This epsiodes of my husband ill treating me and physical abuse is repeating for the last 3 years. Last month the height of my agony came when he kicked me and broke my leg,.when i was hospitalized for 30 days he did not come nor he pone me up.,My parents came and settled the whole bill.

I need counselling help to manage myself in such situation

Video Counselling; The series of mail between Me and my client

2010-07-15T23:26:00.000+05:30

from	>sneha@yahoo.co.in
to	suntrg@gmail.com
date	Fri, Jan 8, 2010 at 12:41 AM
subject	Reg Mind Counseling - need your appointment via phone - urgent Hello Sir, Me sneha need your counseling , please let me know your availability and number so that i and my husband can call you for counseling as i can't come down to your place as we stay in US .I am happy to pay fee via online , or my Bro would personally come down for payment .,Waiting for your response .... Thanks and Regards, sneha. Hi Sneha, i think you can call me on m skype id "dr.sunderam" on 13/1/10 around 21.30 hrs IST, we can have a free introductory counseling session for 30 mts.Let me understand your case, then we will talk of how to go about it,If the above method is ok, please confirm it through email Dr sunderam

Counseling : Depression symptoms-

2010-07-13T13:24:00.001+05:30

Dr Sunderam

As per our discussions i could recollect my top painful incidents of my life
1.Marriage Proposal Mahesh reject letter.This is the incident i am not able to get out of it. I do self talk imagining this family .
2. my three Fingers Cut in train travel at 7 yrs
3. Inter marks brother criticized,”you are burden to earth.4.Egg college admission father shouted in front of my aunt
5. shoba shouted in front of everyone
6.revathi criticized my walk and talk
7.12 th meena left me.
8.Siddhartha's partner yelling
9.Siddhartha 's sister in law shouting after 2 days of 1st delivery
10.The abortion Lena keeps taunting
11. 1st time mu hubby criticizing my complexion and dark circles
12.rahuls love letter
13. rahul's H1 reject news.
14.Father shouting during previous day of marriage
15. Doing Prayer father humiliates with aunty
16. when asked to speak out stage fear,
17.Teacher while giving hall ticket shouted at me very badly for misplacing a document.
This is all i could recollect
Thanks
MRS Sivgami Detroit

what are the different methods by which the above case can come out of this depression?

Counselling - How to come out of emotions trap?----Part 1/3

2010-07-12T00:23:00.000+05:30

What is an emotion? emotion is a feeling? what is feeling ? This is difficult to comprehend and even difficult to understand, this may take another 1000 years to comprehend. There are many mind body connections arousing a specific feelings. Every feeling triggers million nerves in the body arousing a specific heart rate, specific blood circulation, specific sweating, specific muscles and specific glands secretions in the body.As a password opens up the entire software to download,similarly every thought is password of for range of emotional experience, locked in the human nervous system.

Mrs Uma a 27 year old working women came to my clinic with a range of emotional issue.

She is not able to think,
Her self esteem is low,
She doest want to go to office--- she is struggling to come out of the trap of emotions.

what are the different ways of coming out of emotional trap ?

NLP Couples counseling

2010-07-11T12:04:00.001+05:30

Shivania 21 year old young girl was scared of her husband She was brought to me by her parents. Shivani was married a month ago , she is scared of her husband. She was bitterly crying in front of me.She was very much scared. I asked shivani what she was scared at . She gave answers were she was scared of her husband's voice, figure, mother in laws personality. Father in laws rough tone. She was also scared of many things she could not express.

Shivani was a tiny personality centered around her parents love, she didn't have much socialization during her pre – marriage days. She was a shy and slow personality in expressing herself. Her tears stopped in her eyes. Refusing to role out. Her throat was choked with grief. Luckily I found her hubby to be very positive.

I asked shiavn 's husband to write down his version of the problem. He wrote the following

1 She doesn't talk to me , even If talk to her 2 even when I understand her mood and talk apologetically she will not respond even by 5% . 3 I show 95 % love she doesn't even reciprocate 5 %. 4 Even when elders talk she doesn't care. 5 She doesn't recognize me even as a friend. 6 Even when I go out of station for 3 weeks. ,she doesn't even call me to find out how I am. 7 She doest cooperate in sex 8 For every small thing she grief s. 8 She doesn't even cry, keeps the tears in her eyes and grief in her throat 9 she is lost in her won world, without realizing she has to serve her in laws.10 She doesn't even ask for help. She doesn't even express to me, in spite of patiently asking.

I could conduct some NLP test and found shivani as kinesthetic personality. Most of such personality are shy, slow , lost in her won world. Thinks about past, they love pain, emotions, regrets.

With help of NLP videos I educated both the couples the characteristics of feeling personality. I asked them to write down the name 5 feeling personalizes in her family. They could understand and appreciate the traits of such personality.

At the end of the couple counsel ling session , they come up with the following guide lines for themselves

Not to demand for sex. 2 Not to shout at each other 3 Daily initiate a introspection session
The couples are asked to report with the above assignments after a fortnight.

Marriage Advice Long -Gap between Engagement and Marraige

2010-07-09T21:34:00.000+05:30

Mr N and Miss S was engaged in the month if January, the dates got postponed because of one accident and one death in the family and the marriage was planned in November. A very long gap was planed because the girl was pursuing her doctorate. in different city.
Miss S was brought to me for (TTLT)"they think like that" syndrome. She was very much scared of her future marriage and future relationship with in laws. The last 8 months both boy and girl use to talk over phone daily in the night, the girl has imagined many scary things about in laws.
Mis s gave the following two incidents from her life. MY prospective mother in law is selfish”,one day we went for purchasing a new sari for me. i wanted sit beside my would be. My would be sister was asked to occupy the seat. i felt my Mother in law is selfish and possessive about her son. Son is also self centered.” I was asked to purchase a marriage sari below Rs 6000/- only. “why she is doing like that. Therefore she is kanjoz’
Miss S self esteem was very low. She was put under EQ (Emotional intelligence) test The EQ test focuses on four dimensions, 1.Self regard, 2 Regard for others 3Self awareness 4Awareness about others, as per the test the higher is the score moving towards sadness. The lesser is the score, one ia moving towards happiness. The score of the client is high in self regard.
I asked her “What are the characteristics of high self regard person ? she replied,1 Regularly think negative about self.,2 she think she is ugly,3 I am not intelligent,4 I am unlucky ,5 Every body dominates me 6 All are against me, 7 People take undue advantage of me. 8 Most people dislike me,9 I do not how to behave. 10 I am cheated by many people.
The reason for all the self esteem can be attributed to the long gap between promise and practice, i.e, Engagement and marriage, Both the party’s will imagine to fill in the explanation for themselves. as they are living in separate places
The client was taught EFT tapping techniques “Event though I am average in beauty,I am responsible for it, I completely and deeply accept it. This was reduced from 10 to 2 on 5 cycles of tapping.
The client asked me how is I am responsible. for it ? I asked her who told you are average in beauty. Many people told me. Suppose many people tel you are uneducated will u accept it “ no I will not. Suppose people say you are male will you accept it? “I will not” why u accept certain things and refuse certain things ? I fell like doing it . who is responsible for such things” I am responsible for it” you got the answer why you are responsible”.
Yes, the word you use create a hormones in the body.. if use negative words this creates negative hormone if you use positive words. Your body creates positive hormones., When you say I am responsible , you are forgiving yourself.

Assignment for the week is to write down 19 incidents of TTLT syndrome and neutralize the effect using EFT techniques

Counselling case

2010-07-05T22:06:00.000+05:30

Symptoms

Mrs Revathi a 27 year working executive ,a single lady came to me with the following complaints.

1 She has a compulsion to have sex every week, 2 She cant concentrate on her studies3 She has a compulsion to have drinks, 4 She has a repeated pattern of relieving stress ,after which the hunting thoughts of going for a sex pleasure is becoming compelling 5 This habit she has for the past 4 years 6 She also have a feeling her figure is getting out of shape, these feeling she has developed after having her first sex 5 years ago.

Expectation:

I asked her what sort of help she is expecting from me ?

She gave the following answer

Removal of the Fear of aimless roaming

Planning and organizing my work

Help in setting my goals

Concentrate in studies

I should be an enthusiastic person

Treatment :

I asked her to undergo psychological test (enneagram ) test, from which ,I found out she is a very caring and emotional person, she would like to achieve something very big in her life. She has a very great drive to achieve something for herself and to the society. She is not have an addiction for sex or a drinks. She has not set a strong and powerful goal for herself. She has to be taught how to set powerful goals? Irresistible goals. Potent Goals. The hope of this case is, if she is taught the goal setting process. She can learn herself and achieve results. My hope in this case is she has love for helping others. She can also teach goal setting process for others . she has to under a coaching process of 10 sessions

NLP Counseling advice:Words steals or seals the stress in human being

2010-07-02T21:33:00.000+05:30

The client at last said "I have neutralized 16 sixteen negative incidents, this incidents were as old as 2 years,I was feeling very, very bad about it".

According to NLP ( Neuro linguistic Programming) counselling school of psychology. We always express ourselves through two languages 1) Head language 2 ) Heart language.When the client was asked to identify what language she has used.to express her stress, she gave the following examples.

Head language :Bad, same thoughts, Heart language :Sad, mood off. when i asked her to identify some more words, she could not identify words.that showed her emotional vocabulary ( words which express her emotions are very few.)

The client is not able to express in terms of emotional word. In other words. The clients emotional vocabulary is less. The more and more the client has emotional vocabulary. The more and more the client can release the stress. The other person can understand the depth of emotion experienced by the client. One can also easily o do the emotional diagnosis.When she was assisted with some more explanation that the words she uses either seals the stress or steals the stress, She expressed some more emotional words from her vocabulary ?

1 Pain 2 Feel 3 Sad, 4 Sorrow,5 Tears 6 Anger 7 Irritation 8 frustration 9 harassment 10Happiness, 11 fear 12 hatred 13 love 14 depressed 15 pity 16 joy

If you want to come out of stress ,increase your emotional vocabulary

How do you increase your emotional vocabulary ?

Psychotherapy- Concentration improvement

2010-06-29T16:56:00.000+05:30

This is a script of a counseling case from my records (between Doctor and Client)

Doctor. Which area you like to focus today ?
Client :Ability to concentrate
DR; What is opposite to “concentration”?
C :The word is “diversion”
DR How do you identify your “Diversion”?

Client answers the following

When I work suddenly I find myself suddenly wandering into different thoughts
When I study at house I think on the following
1 whether I should go to public sector or government jobs.
2 I analyze past events, I analyze myself, whether I have conducted myself properly ?”
3 Think about my future
4 How long this time required for marriage
5 income is not sufficient to manage a family
6 Because income is less I am not eligible for marriage
Exercise 1
Dr ;Lets take this point- “1 .whether I should go to public sector or government jobs”
C why does this happen to me ?
Dr explains the theory :-According to EQ counselling philosophy :The above sentence is a thought. Every thought has an energy circuit. The whole body has an energy circuit which runs like an electrical sub station. There isI a starting point and ending point of energy. Some times when you draw more energy what happens? ,, Because of over load the tripping off the power supply (fuse goes off) there are many emotional circuits which break down in your nervous system of your body as a result there is a disturbance in the thought energy.
Dr :What is the disturbance number for the thought
C :“whether I should go to public sector or government jobs”
C : I feel I get tired very easily when I focus on “c+ coding”
I feel “ kam nehain kar paunga” ill be thrown out of the job” I get a fear “dar lagtha hai “
Dr. What is the feeling number of :dar:
C 5/10

Assumption theory
1.I am the hero of my life and I am the vilan of life” certain habits are helping me to grow up in life certain habits are driving as to go drown in the life “I am the actor, director, I write the screen play etc. I can re-write my biography
As if exercise
C“ I am responsible for this fear, I completely and deeply accept it” repat it 10 times a after completing one cycle
C Now the feeling is reduced in one cycle to 3/10
Dr Congratulations your feeling has come down . thanks for not using your logic circuits. please use emotional circuits repeat for the 2 cycle is 2/10
Write down the 5 difference between
Logical thoughts
+ Emotional thoughts

Dr :What is the mental language you are supposed to use ?
DR :You are using positive language for programming your nervous system
DR :What are the three dimensions of thought ?
Answer : Picture sound and feeling
Dr :The language you use conjures a picture in your mind. That picture leads to emotion al story , you feel happy, when you fee, happy hormones are created. This emotions create molecule restructure in your body
The future lies in your heart’ of the emotional language “
Now the feeling is 1/10
Dr What did you do ?
C You have programmed my nervous system with language. This language comes from my heart.

Dr What are 3 learning of today’s session ?
1.That language of thought is picture sound and feeling
2.Positive word has positive effect on hormones
3. I am responsible for my fear when I am programming emotionally i have stirred that pictures, that sound and that feelings
The language that I am using is same but earlier I was storing in negative folder now I am reprogramming and storing in in positive folder.

Counseling Assignment for the next week
1.Kindly reduce ten disturbances connected with your concentration using the ame mental exercises which i taught you.
2 Identify your emotional vocabulary
3. Write down the sentence and say what t happens to you as a result what do you feel ?

Counseling Appreciation

2010-06-29T00:58:00.001+05:30

Sat, Jan 5, 2008 at 12:18 PM

subject
Hello

mailed-by
hotmail.com

hide details 1/5/08

Hello Dr. Sundaram,
Thanks a lot for talking to me over the phone last weekend.
I am very happy with the skypeCounselling Swetahas been having with you. It is very helpful and is helping her feel better about herself and gain self-confidence.
Also, regarding my counseling sessions, I don't think I have the dedication and proper effort needed for it. In the future when I feel comfortable, I will contact you.
Thanks again,
Mrs Sudha Rma chandran

Marriage advice:My husband behaves strangely with me

2010-06-27T23:26:00.000+05:30

I am a working mother aged 29 years with 2 kids, 5 yrs and 3 yrs. Ours is a love marriage, He was my boss in my earlier company. A few good moments has bought us closer. we had a lot of chatting and fun before marriage. I also knew he was attracted to opposite sex and flirts around. All this was ok till marriage. He promised he has put to an end to all ,I believed in it.

I got a better offer in some other company. I switched over or better prospects . I had a friend in my earlier company, with whom I was sharing with all the sex life secrets. After two years I realized she has become close to my husband. I had also rumors of my friend moving with her. I couldn’t prove it. Whenever I asked him he denies. Latter on I came to know she was married but her husband left her. My husband was involved in helping he out of her marriage. She has become my husband’s secretary. He goes and helps her family and supports her emotionally and god knows what to other r ways.

When I am asking him to leave the office he doesn’t listen to me. No doubt I got him two good offers. he turned it down. For few days he stopped talking to me. whenever I asked about her he started yelling on me. He drops me daily in the office. The car ride is 30 mts journey from my house. Now days he is behaving very strangely.. He starts shouting in the car and hits me in the car tortures me the whole journey. There are times were he smashed my head against the door glass

I accepted this for some period. He slowly started talking less and less and when I threatened him to leave the house. He cries like a child for hours together. Sometimes he torture and some time he cries.

I do not know what to do please advice me doctor what to do ?

I have lot of sympathy for you. I can understand how your children are felling. How frustrated are you. But unfortunately I cannot give any advice because I do not know the whole story of the other side. You have not told about your family parents etc.

Please contact me over phone Dr sunderam 09246810468

Skype counseling for Traumatic incidents

2010-06-25T00:06:00.001+05:30

The following are the incidents i am able to recall

1Marriage Proposal Praveen reject letter.This is the incident i am not able to get out of it. I do self talk imagining this family .
2. My middle Finger got Cut
3. MY college marks father criticized.
4.Medical college admission father shouted in front of my aunt
5.Renuka shouted in front of everyone
6.Rajaini criticized my walk and talk
7.harassment by lecturer.
8.Snejhas's partner yelling at me
9.Savtris s sister in law shouting after 2 days of 1st delivery
10.
The abortion Sneha keeps taunting
11. 1st time Raja call me unromantic cricising my complexion and dark circles
12.Sridhar's audit letter
13.Sridhar's H1 reject news.
14.Father shouting during previous day of marriage
15. Doing Pooja father humiliates.
16. 7 th std when asked to speak out stage fear,
17.graduation ceremony ranjitha shouted at me very badly for misplacing a document.18 harassment in school bus by kids19 daily my Tiffin was stolen

20 i was called shame in front of boys.

Mrs Ranjini

Florida

the above are the emotional baggage which is to cleaned through psychotherapy, for this the method was 20 session on Skype counseling was done

Online counselling/ Phone counselling

2010-06-23T07:18:00.000+05:30

Thu, Feb 12, 2009 at 1:29 PM
subject		Re counciling
mailed-by		gmail.com

hide details 2/12/09

Doctor Sir,

I am Reddy from Guntur my age is 40 and my wife age is 37 now my self is okay about her some problem is there my business net work is changed to Hyderabad but she is not able to adjust this place she always tell about those facilities so she left form Hyderabad for my own house to guntur .

It is possible to change her through counseling if it is work for her give me u r appointment date

--
Thanking u,
with best regards,
k.j.reddy


date		Sun, Feb 15, 2009 at 10:04 AM
subject		Re: Re counciling
mailed-by		gmail.com

hide details 2/15/09

Dear Doctor sir,

I am so happy with u r words after phone discussion .Now i am feeling some relaxation

with best regards,

k.j .Reddy

2010-06-13T17:19:00.001+05:30

Pre- Marriage Counselling

2010-06-13T13:13:00.000+05:30

Miss Navita and Mr Niranjan, the final year engineering students decided to marry on their own without getting the approval of either of their family members. They knew that the marriage would not get the approval of them.

A few of their friends witnessed that marriage. They continued their studies and completed Engineering. They both were in search for jobs thereafter. The real test of time had come during that crisis period where they both were desperately searching for job. All those qualities which they liked in each other before marriage were disliked by each other.

They had their first argument over credit card usage; They wanted to manage each other's money which eventually brought communication down and the noise more.

The heart of any happy married relationship basically lies in " How to Communicate?" with each other without hurting the ego of the partner. Some couple are gifted naturally, some can't do it.

The couple were about to leave each other. After a few counselling sessions the couple realized their communication style. It took 6 months to set right their married life. They themselves have confessed thus: "Had we known the communication style before our marriage, we would have been more happy".

Mr and Mrs Niranjan now recommend pre- marriage counselling to all their young friends before marriage.

Can I Consult ?

2010-06-12T23:20:00.001+05:30

Why did i say ”Yes” to my Marriage ?

I am Madhumita 23 years old Msc graduate , I am married 3 months ago, I am staying in working women’s hostel but I am not happy.

I don t want to get married, but I was called by my parents and in a family functions which was preplanned by may parents and prospective in laws,, my engagement was announced

I felt like rejecting the engagement in the crowd but my future will get spoiled. I called my parents aside and told 5o times “ No” but when I told one “yes” they made it public. I was not happy. I also told please get the engagement canceled., but because of family and my parents old age I have to stay and silently suffer. They convinced me and now I regret for the decision. I am suffering silently for the last 3 months. I don’t talk to my husband. He is also silent. He doesn’t force me anything. He also says “If you want you can go back and cancel the marriage”

My question is why did I say ‘ yes ‘ I am unable to resolve the issue. I feel like running away. I don’t want bad name for my family. I am ok with everything except the marriage.

Doc : What sort of help you are looking at me ?

Madhu :I don’t know. People tell meet a psychologist. He can help you out

The case was resolved using Relationship coaching process

Marriage Counseling

2010-06-12T00:04:00.000+05:30

What went wrong in my Relationship ?

There are two types of relationship problem among couples.

1) Cut paste couples : The Relationship is disturbed because of external factors cut into the situation like sudden loss of Close person, financial bankruptcy, reallocation etc.

2) Copy paste couples :

This couples live with problems but assume they are normal, like Communication , conflict emotional disturbances etc.while the cut paste couples bounce back after the events, but the Copy paste couples, or not willing to work on themselves nor go for professional help to improve their relationship They work on cut paste method of relationship. They repeat to suffer and suffer to repeat.

Mind Management techniques

2010-06-10T22:53:00.001+05:30

How to remove discomfort in bodies?

This comes from the world of “Meta physics”

Step1: Locate wherever the discomforts are experienced in your bodies

step2: Help evoke the faith in yourself and you process

step3 : Imagine you are scoping the discomforts in your hands

step 4 Burn the scooped contents in a fire

Step 5 : You can find the difference supplement with any NLP techniques/anchoring

Q & A

2010-06-09T20:08:00.000+05:30

Hello Doctor,

Thank you for your patience and time on the phone.

Please find below the most depressing moments of my life so far –
.

We were a family of 6. Mother, Father, me and my three younger sisters. I have been seeing my father as a drunkard since when I was 10 yr old. Constant torture that he has given my mother, the insults that we have faced as a family because of his activities. I could not study after my graduation because of my financial constraints, I had to take up a job as conditions were getting worse. The torment that I went through because of my father, has been a cause of my worry but , it gave me confidence to face life and uphold the family for 5 yrs now.

I met my hubby in an HR interview, later we became friends for 2 yrs. In the party this guy use to drink a lot and create nuisance. I was there as friend to help him. On one such incidents,. When he proposed I felt very glad, I accepted it immediately.

To cut the story short he use to drink heavily and borrow from my ATM with my knowledge and without my knowledge.. When I ask about money he use to abuse me.. He never use to talk to me for long periods of time, we have a child of 1 yr old. He was not even bothered about the baby.

On 5 h January 2010 when he started to beat for trivial reason on back answering, he twisted and fractured my right elbow and I had a tough time working with single hand. As I screamed due to the pain, the apartment watchmen came to my rescue an brought my neighbors and saved that night. He was upset with and not visited me nor enquired about the child since 4 months Now he says I am not from his community, his mother is proposing some other lady from their community.

He is ready to leave me off. I'm living alone and it is very difficult to handle a 1 yr old all by myself. My question is, will ever lead a normal life,? Will my child will grow with both parents, what should I do now ? how to handle such emotional trauma.?

I don’t want to go to my parents and tell this as I have married against their wishes.

Do I need counseling or coaching ?

Doctors Answer

The whole information is one sided. If what u r telling is correct. You require immediately a professional help. Any psychotherapy can reduce ur registerd pain..

Q & A

2010-06-08T21:45:00.000+05:30

We are married couples, we have differences how can you help us ?

Mrs Elizeebth :Doc, I am a 21 year working lady. I am married for the last six months .My husband often picks up quarrel with me. I also lost temper on him. There was some man handling also. I have come to my mums place. I introspect and I do not know why I am behaving like this. I hope my husband is also suffering in silence, can you help me ? How can u help me?

Dr Sunderam :You r welcome. But let me talk to both of you over phone separately. Then only I can take up this case.

Once you come to us we focus on the following through psychological tests:

• Mutual respect and understanding
• Effective communication skills
• Different problem solving strategies
• Expressing needs effectively
• Collaborative growth
• Discovering a shared vision

Once you get an awareness on the above you can patch up the differences, You can also contact us on 09246810468

Help from Phone Counselling to any part of the world

2010-06-07T20:41:00.000+05:30

Counselling through phone is called phone counselling.Miss Deepa 21 yrs who did not have time to go to clinic, because of examination stress, made use of this counselling method. She has improved her concentration in studies, minimizing the wandering time during her study hours.She was taught EFT a form of psychotherapy to banish her diversion.

Those who would like to make use of our service has to personally talk to doctor and take prior appointment. Generally a counselling session last for an hour.This servicec be availed to any part of the world

What is counselling ?

2010-06-07T12:14:00.001+05:30

Counselling is a word used to denote an interview process, were a senior called “Counselor” talks to a person who needs help,called a “Counselee” .The Counselor helps the counselee to identify the latter's Strength and weakness of an issue and assists the Counselee to take a better decision. In other words a senior helper is helping the junior to take a decision.

A Counselor will not take a decision for the Counselee.

Can i forget my painful incidents ?

2010-06-06T16:43:00.001+05:30

Sri Ram a 3 rd year engineering student had a love affair for along time, and after a bitter incident the love resulted in a failure. He got a placement offer in campus. he is undergoing an induction training in an MNC . he is not able to concentrate in the training programmes. the love affair is hunting him. He approached me asking" “ Can I forget my painful past ?” he was treated through psychotherapy to forget his love failures.

What is the Difference between Counselling and Coaching?

2010-06-06T16:28:00.001+05:30

Marriage Counseling

2010-06-06T16:26:00.001+05:30

It is not only young couples who are filing for divorce or cribbing about a bad marriage, the old couples are no better. Yes, long-term marriages too can end. Why? Because a long-term marriage does not indicate that it is a happy marriage. Just because two people have been living under the same roof does not mean they are sharing a good relationship.

Over a period of time, a couple starts living their own lives even when they are living under the same roof. And then one day, they realize that they cannot continue living together. Now, what is it that changes even after a couple has had beautiful moments before their marriage and in the initial years of their marriage? Well, the urgency to impress and woo vanishes, and spouses take each other for granted. Only if they could continue their courtship days after their marriage, their marriage would never end.

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) discusses why long-term marriages end on its website. The article says, “Despite the reasons for growing apart, there are a few things to keep in mind that can help couples grow together.” Here are the things the association suggests.

Continuous courtship

Looking forward

Keep the marriage a priority above all else…including kids

Adopting these things in your marriage is likely to bring a good change in your marriage. If you cannot make things work on your own, seek professional help, even if you have been married for, say, thirty years.

First Blog

2010-06-06T16:10:00.000+05:30

Dr.Sundaram is one of the leading Psychologist, Coach, Counsellor and mentor of india He mainly focuses on Marriage counselling and Relationship coachng. He is qualified in Training, Marketing,Counselling, Psychotherapy, ESP, EFT, NLP,and TLT. He is also a corporate trainer with management background..

Dr.Sundaram regularly writes articles in leading newspapers of India and abroad. His TV programes on marriage counseling are regulary aired in local and national TV channels of india. Dr Sunderam is in the field for the past 15 years serving the society. His services are available offline and on line counselling throughout the world. His mission statement is "To help every individual to grip the healthy mindset for rich Human relationship." A happy society consists of happy families, Happy family consists of happy individuals. Happy individual consists of healthy mindset.