Mr Umesh and Mrs umesh came for marriage counselling to my clinic. They are in there 30 s , married for the last two years. no kids. I listned to both the version individually and collectively.There are enough evidence both have lost trust on each other because of their past behavior. each had there own share of MILs (mother in law interference, BILs(brother in law) interference.The root cause ,was they have proved disloyalty to the partner many times.There are also incidence were they have been loyal to each other.
One of the easiest way spoiling relationship is to demonstrate disloyalty to the partner. When ones does not own something it is given least value,.we do not own, we discard,. we treat like a dust,scrap and a waste,
The hero of the above case is a software engineer, without the knowledge of the lady partner he has inserted a recoding device in the lady's mobile.. All the conversation of the lady with her parents was separately recorded by umesh and displayed in umesh's family function without the knowledge of mrs umesh. This recorded conversation has become the talk of the umesh circle( umesh parents, sisters, grand ma etc) except his wife.
Mrs umesh did not know why the behavior of the family has changed.Mrs umesh is being ignored, she is being ridiculed, until one of her grand father shared these fact of recoding festival. when mrs umesh confronted this facts Mr umesh has accepted it saying "it was a fun"
Fun for whom? the same fun if played by the lady against her husband. will the family accept. Mr Umesh has earned disloyalty card. The disloyalty is the root cause for mis- trust, jealousy and suspicion Mr umesh is repenting for his act after counselling. They have realized many of their mistakes and wishing to start off a new realtionship. Let us all wish them all thebest.
Dear Dr. Sundaram,
ReplyDeleteI/we need professional help from a professional experienced expert person with a proven track record & reputation in the domain of marriage & family life at Jaipur. Myself, spouse/wife & daughter are three persons in the family. We r married for almost 12 years but having severe differences & problems from day 1 of our marriage. Our life is already ruined with very faint chances for improvement. Myself & my wife r two very different persons and the only thing in common between us is our caste & surname and nothing else.
Our last hope & chance lies with help from a professional who’s totally unconnected & unattached stranger to us.
I remain under severe stress & depression (all the time crying) due to which I remain aloof/alone and feel severe incapacity, incapability & guilt. I try to avoid people as I have built up a deep sense of shame due to my inability & incapacity to solve our mutual problems/live in a normal way with my wife/family. I have to avoid my wife & daughter as far as possible because whenever I face them, there are conflicts, fights, damage, loss & all sorts of problems, which can occur ... I’m just passing my time with a desire to just end my life.
I feel that I was a normal person till my marriage & things were in my control. After marriage, things went totally out of my control & became awry. I feel either I made a mistake to get married (as I wasn’t meant for marriage) or that I married a wrong person due to whatever reasons. In India, arranged/caste/surname based marriage is such a curse but carrying on from time immemorial ... I really admire former president Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, who never married but is such a great personality.
I’m more of a career oriented person & feel that after marriage; my skills, competencies, time have all gone to waste/rot. There has been no value addition to my life after I got married.
My cellphone # is +91-94140-47963. I cannot come to Hyderabad. I don’t know, how u can help me. Because though I know that I/we need professional help say for over an year now but didn’t have the guts/courage/time to go for it.
Thanks & regards,
Sd./-
(Manish Agarwal)
A loser in life